Monday, April 29, 2013

The Mountain's Keeper

Warning to anybody with parental-protective feelings for me: this entry contains multiple instances self-imposed life-threatening situations, as well as the consumption of alcohol. Good news: I'm still alive. Bad news: it's not necessarily because I got smart. Continue reading at your own peril.

This is a different kind of spring for me. Just think about it. I'm in the mountains! I've never seen this before. Two weeks ago we were still trudging beneath cold and unforgiving skies. Finally, after months of natural torture, we hit the 20 degree Celsius mark and stayed there. Within two days buds made themselves known, within a week trees were playing home to yellow, white, and green revolutions, and after two weeks the brightest green has combed up the roots of mountains, up and over all but the highest. The giants are still doing their best to shake the remaining snow dandruff, and with the help of foehn it looks like they'll have managed the feat pretty soon here.

After a week of nice weather, the Faulesaupartie (the group of "lazy" mountain bikers I described in an earlier entry) was ready to begin the season. Before I get to that, though, I have to describe how the group has gotten to know me. I met them all at the beginning, at the Almabtrieb that I described in one of my first entries, and I've encountered them on a couple of other instances, but they probably got their biggest impression of me a week before our first ride. I joined them for a late afternoon game of indoor soccer. Keep in mind, all of these men are above 50. I was half the age of all of the men there. I did my best to keep up, and I managed pretty well. After playing for about 50 minutes or so I ran for the ball at the wall. Reaching it at a pretty high speed, I put out my hands to catch myself from crashing into the wall. Unknown to my eye's corner, the wall was only too eager for contact. Protruding from a crack in the wall, feigning the purpose of supporting some structure and smirking evil intentions, a small hook-like thing stabbed the middle of my right palm. I stopped immediately and looked at it. "Es gibt ein Loch in meiner Hand," (there's a hole in my hand) I said calmly. It was tiny, and it was probably only a couple of mm deep, but it was the first artificial hole I'd ever seen in my own body. Well, the problem is, I'm squeamish; in the least manly kind of way. I immediately assumed mental control. "No problem, Dan. Small hole! Little blood. It doesn't even hurt that bad. It's nothing!" Two minutes later I was sitting against the wall, pale-faced and barely conscious as James and one of the others opened the First Aid kit and wrapped my hand with enough gauze to stop a major artery from bleeding out. Five minutes later I was laying on the tile floor in cold sweats because I couldn't stand or sit. After feeling better, I went home to shower before meeting up with them for a beer. James came by and rang my doorbell twice to make sure I hadn't passed out. Point is: the 23 year old almost fainted from a prick to the hand in front of a bunch of fit "old men."


When I arrived at the meeting point for our ride a week later, I was greeted with, "Stop! Hand check!" I think it's going to take me the next month of riding to earn any kind of manliness back. Meanwhile, I spent the last two weeks doing my best to do just that. It really is remarkable how much of a joke age can be. James and I seem to normally take about the third position in the pack, and we work pretty hard to get there. As we made our long and slow ascent up a mountain, breathing louder than the wind and hearts churning faster than our chains, one of the older guys in the group shot past me nearly knocking me over to get to his rightful place. After squirreling our way up, down, and around a few mountains, we flew down into the valley of Bad Goisern to one of the men's huts. We arrived about two hours before the sunset, hung up our sweat-drenched shirts to dry, and sat on the porch to face the setting sun. Over 1.5 hours, I was handed three beers and told that I just had to try the local Schnapps, which I obliged. I have to assert that this is the best part. The men in the group talk about this as the "reward." They bust their bodies riding up and down the mountains, and then they reward it with a few beers. A cold beer never tastes better than then. I had to turn down a few other drinks. Biking isn't the only challenge to endurance these "older" guys have me beat at. As the sun threatened its departure, we strapped on helmets and jackets and raced it home.


I'm not going to discuss the moral implications of riding or driving drunk. It's a stupid thing to do, and I think I remember being told it's much more dangerous than driving a car. I agree, and I do feel stupid for doing it. Without excusing it, I'd like to explain some things that might ease a few peoples worries just a little. Driving culture is different here. Bikes play a much more central role in transport. Austrians are used to one lane streets, forcing them to be especially careful for absolutely anything. Sometimes the streets are so narrow that one car has to go in reverse for a block until the other car can drive around it. Drivers here are also much better trained. They have to pay thousands of Euros to take lessons and get the license, not to mention buy a car. So, the drivers are (on average) better, more aware by default, and especially respectful of pedestrians and bicycles. Plus, most of the time we ride on well marked and cleared bike paths, not streets. Most importantly, I don't drink more than a couple of beers.

Austrians seem to have a completely different way of thinking about health. As soon as they get a "break" or "holiday", many of them rush to the nearest mountain or to their bike to get their body moving. What many of us would think of as "work" in doing something athletic seems to be the opposite to an Austrian. The healthiest people I know seem to be "older" people who go to the extreme on everything. Work hard. Play hard. They really are healthier, too, and the way they eat and drink is an integral part of that. They nurture their bodies and souls throughout the entire event. Sport becomes this celebration of movement, eating the celebration of life, and drinking a celebration of company. It's a great big dance.

Today held so many surprises. There were guest singers in church today. I've been visiting the catholic mass in the town cathedral. I heard some of the most beautiful harmonies in years in renditions of "kyrie, eleison" and the like. Afterward, I watched a FANTASTIC episode of "Die Sendung mit der Maus" (the show with the mouse). They showed how a 3D printer works (my new favorite obsession), how aluminum sheets are made, and Shawn the Sheep (from the makers of Wallace and Gromit) and his fellow herd-mates ventured into the city to get pizza in one of the best episodes yet. A couple of hours later I decided to try and find a smaller mountain I hadn't been up yet. I took my bike and rode to the nearest ones I knew of. On the way, I noticed a small sign for a waterfall. I followed the trail and found it, small but perfect, at the base of the mountain foothills. As soon as I got there, three kids raced past me with a friendly "Grias di!", stripped to their shorts, and waded into the ice-cold pool beneath the waterfall.

After trying a few dead ends, I realized I'd probably be blazing a new trail up either of the two small mountains I'd found. Resigned to my fate, I rode my bike as far up a road as I could. When the path got to difficult to ride, I hid my bike, locked it, and went up by foot. When the trail suddenly stopped, I followed a spring bed toward what looked like a peak. Sinking inches into the mud from melted snow, and tripping over vines and roots I fought toward the top. I got to a rock wall, and decided it looked climbable. I promised myself, "Dan, you're alone, nobody knows you're here, and you don't have any of the right equipment with you. If it looks iffy, don't try for it." Before I knew it, I was sweating bullets and praying to God to help me get down the constantly shifting wall. I swear, no rock I grabbed would stay put. I admitted defeat and inched down the wall calling myself an idiot. Once down, I kissed the ground, thanked the heavens, and went a responsible route. Turns out the rocks were so loose was because I was climbing up the depository side of a hollowed out mountaintop, or quarry.

On my way up the mountain, the helmet attached to my bag had somehow wiggled loose unbeknownst to me, so on the way down I tracked my steps. With eyes freshly peeled I surveyed the landscape while descending, when suddenly I noticed an oddity. Low to my right was a hollow stump, and standing from the stump was a thick limb with a crown of broken twigs. It looked planted. As I got nearer I saw what looked like a typical improvised rock marker on the stump in front of the limb. I pulled out the limb to see if there was something underneath, thinking someone might have hid something there (ever heard of geocaching?), but I found nothing. I crouched and noticed something yet more mysterious. Someone had carved a very straight square into the side of the stump beneath the stone marker. Sitting on the floor of the square was a large stone. I removed the larger stone and found one smaller, but alien. It was an odd red, almost see-through in some places, suspiciously round and smooth. Maybe it is hardened sap (amber? copal?), I thought. Something about it made me scared. I was stealing someone's treasure, and I knew it.

Finders keepers, right? Just because you hid it and marked its location doesn't make it yours, right? I felt like I was stealing some other pirates treasure. The wind whispered warnings, and a darkness seeped up from the ground and set a shadow on my sunny surroundings. I started looking over my back, sure that the treasure's keeper was bound to it by the mountain's magic. Would I crack this stone to find a secret? What was this thing I was holding? I realized where I was. I had just left a death bed. I had just skirted the edges of a hollowed out mountain. I'd scaled a dead mountain, and somebody, either its murderer or its protector had found and hidden, maybe buried its heart. Ditching the comfort of security, I zipped the mountain's heart in my bag. Fearing the mountain's keeper, I quickly left, but not before I noticed striking colors not ten feet from the grave. Cradled in the roots of a small tree stemmed one of the more beautiful flowers I've ever seen. There was only one, and I never saw another nearby or far from thereafter. I ran downhill, fighting the mountain as it tried to trip and tie me down. Thorns on vines and lying limbs grabbed at my feet, and I kicked them off. Seeing my helmet, I snatched it and ran further to my bike to race home. I do believe I'll keep the mountain's heart. Maybe the mountain's keeper will come to find me. I don't know what to fear, so I won't.

It's so much easier to walk the beaten path, and it might be that it's ultimately wiser. What did I gain today? Scratches on my legs and a couple years off my life from fear of falling to my death, and I found a cool looking rock. That, or I stole a treasure. I stole the mountain's heart, and its keeper must be as mighty as the mountain.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Too COOL for school

I love talking about the weather. What for others might be considered small talk is for me the most gripping of conversations. It really affects me, too. I'm pretty sure I have S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder), because on cloudy days I look like this:

 and on sunny days I look like this:
Exactly like that. The only way I can upset this terrible relationship is to drug myself silly with coffee, but then I look like this:
You see my dilemma.

So on one of our last cloudy days of the long, long winter we had here a couple of weeks ago, I got desperate. I had to come up with a lesson, but I was suffering from a classic case of "Die Qual der Wahl" (pronounced: dee kval deah vall. It means something like "the torment of choice". The idea is that you're so overwhelmed by the vast sea of possibilities before you that you can't focus on or choose one). I did what I often do when I get desperate for an idea. I went for a walk next to the river. Something about the movement of my legs to the pulse of the water combined with fresh air gets my thoughts moving.

As soon as I got out of the door it hit me: weather (not the door). It immediately struck me as genius, because weather is the exact topic most people try to avoid. A pleasant drizzle of ideas began falling in my head, as had so many droplets of rain on that day, and what had been my enemy became my friend. It seems so superficial, but the weather is so important to us, and being able to talk about it is, too. These students are going to have to have a stupid conversation in English some day, hopefully, and when they do I want them to be able to hold their own.

I asked myself what songs I knew that referred to the weather. What resulted was the best playlist I've ever made, which then became the structure of my lesson.

The next day, when I held the lesson, the weather was wonderfully sunny. When I walked into class I started some small talk about the weather. Then I played them this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bj1AesMfIf8

They immediately recognized it and all laughed. The lyrics were PERFECT. "Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter." I had asked them to listen to the words. When I asked them what had been sung, they only gave me the chorus. Duh! Ugh, guys, I asked you to listen to all the words. After this introductory song I dampened the mood a little with:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94sJYhfoPC0

I used the "weatherman" to introduce the next section. I made them pair up and make a weather report of any kind of weather they wished. I asked  them to be creative and fun, but also try to make it somewhat realistic. One pair did a weather forecast of the apocalypse with a rain of fire. One warned everyone about the danger of a hurricane that would sink the island they lived on. Someone predicted a hail of frogs. Yet others did very realistic, detailed weather forecasts. I then taught them some expressions like "strong winds", "pouring rain", "showers", "drizzle", "wind chill", etc.

Transitioning to the next part, I let them rest their ears on this baby:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIV0oovj7vc

I'm from Tulsa, so Garth Brooks belongs to the very core of our identity. Am I right?! People here often ask me what the weather is like where I'm from, so I used this local hero to talk about 1) the couple of times I saw Garth Brooks and 2) tornado alley and what our weather is normally like.

I had also collected a great selection of weather idioms in the English language e.g. "rain check", "fair-weather friend", "under the weather", etc. I taught them what each of them meant.

Then I soothed them with one last oldie:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZh7nRw6gl8

I then whipped out my guitar and told them to write a love song with the idioms and words I taught them. Then we sang in 6 part harmony what will soon be hitting the top charts worldwide, and my students praised me as the best teacher of all time ever.

I'm just kiddin', y'all. Starting with "My Girl" I was lying to you. You really think I could fit all of that into 50 minutes? No way, but if I could do a perfect lesson that would be it. I also wanted to play "Time of the Season" by the Zombies, but it turns out the only weather related words are in the title, and the rest could be inappropriate.

The first time I did the lesson, I was actually pretty let down. One of my students wouldn't stop shaking his head because he was too cool for school. Literally. Then, when I had them do their weather reports and asked them questions, they gave me the bare minimum. It's actually a class that I've been struggling with all year. They're all really good, well-meaning students, but they just don't talk as much as I'd like.

Most of my classes are great, but there are a couple I'm really having to do battle with. Today I had the two hardest classes, and I learned something in each. The first class re-taught me the lesson about flexibility I'd already taught myself and forgotten. I came in, and for the first time ever in response to my question about their weekend, they answered. I nearly passed out I was so surprised. I pressed and they kept on talking and asking me questions. I really started re-examining the meaning of the universe. This exchange was really shaking up my whole paradigm. Yet, I had a plan, so I did the lesson. The problem was, I had planned the lesson accounting for a class that hadn't been talking. It was a lesson more focused on listening and building the right energy up on the classroom. Afterward, I realized that if I had just ditched half of the material, realizing that this was a golden opportunity to be taken advantage of, we could have had a nice chat. It's funny how feeling like you have the overview of the whole situation can distract you from seeing the opportunity in a nuance, in a moment. Focusing too much on the strategy can actually screw with the tactics.

The second class was a real challenge. It's one of the younger classes that I've been making learn a poem. The other class is doing really well, but this one has been kind of rebelling. They swear they're just stressed and don't have enough time, but, as evidenced by the other class that has the exact same schedule, that's just not the case. The kids in this class are just as smart as the ones in the other, but for some reason they're just not trying. Every day I go in there it feels like I'm battling with them. Today, for the first time, I decided to use the other class as an example that it actually was very possible. There was an immediate uproar. One of the more confident ones voiced what most of them meant, "Das ist uns sowas von Wurst" (literal translation: that is completely sausage to us. Better translation: we don't give a crap.) "We're not the other class," he barked back, "and we don't care how they're doing."

I honestly don't know what I learned from that experience. What became clear was that this relationship wasn't all too different from one between parents and a "troubled" child. I suddenly felt like I was comparing two siblings, and the one who was doing poorer was resenting me for comparing them. I felt justified, knowing that I love and like these students, and I only demand and criticize because I know they're more than capable, and I'd like to trust that my respect and equal love for them balances out the bit of hurting I do when I compare. Every movie I've ever watched, I've hated parents who compared, but for the first time I understand. It really isn't a matter of love. I don't think I'm going to be able to figure out where I come out of this in the next few sentences. Suffice it to say, it makes me wonder how responsible parents and teachers really are for "wayward" sons and daughters. Both can be justified, but something in the intimacy or the meeting point in the relationship just makes for a bad mix. It seems like little can be done to mend the relationship except give it time and distance.

Well, enough of raining on the parade, if you catch my drift. It's a sunny day, and I personally have a hard time leaving things on a bad note. Today I will sit on my balcony and read. Yesterday, James and I rode to the nearby town of Bad Goisern.
It was one of the first rides of the season, so James and I panted and complained about our butts the whole way up the mountain. We drank a couple of beers, then rode to a nearby crevice in a cliff face called the Ewige Wand (translation would be something like the "eternal" or "everlasting wall"). On the way there we ran into some colleagues, who invited us to their house below. When we got there they treated us to coffee, cake, and a Jauzen (yowsen: normally bread, cheese, and meat) while we overlooked the valley. It was one of the most beautiful days I've ever experienced.